Its been almost two months since her passing. I dreamt of her last night. It was the 1st time i had dreamt of her since she “left”. It was a very vivid dream. Still young, plump faced. I could almost touch her. She was very real in my dream, like flesh. I can still remember her smile in the dream.
It felt like yesterday when we used to hang out with each other. The very mention of her or even the thought of her brings tears to my eyes. I still miss her.
This Friday will be the 3rd Week she has left us (3rd Dec) and this Friday will also be the death anniversary of another person who was pivotal in giving me this home and the people I now call family. You don’t know what is feels like to grieve. To tear at the slightest thought. To tremble when you see familiar sights, sounds, places. Her bed. Her room. Her clothes. Her photographs. To reminisce the days we had together – the laughing, jokes and insights shared.
And yes, this Friday will also be Christmas eve. I will miss her especially on that day because for the 1st time, I will not be visiting her, wheeling her to the Christmas tree i got her and feeding her stuff i bought for her to eat.
But I will also be rejoicing at the Birth of Jesus without which Salvation will not be possible. For this i thank God and almost every night I would ask Him to say hi to her for me, to tell her that i miss her and to thank her for everything.
Its been more than two weeks since she left us. I still miss her dearly.I learnt something from my time with her, unconditional love is also just doing something for someone close to you without wanting anything back in return. I can’t wait to see their faces when the present arrives this 1st January 2011. I know i just dug a huge hole for myself but the happiness that i can give them is priceless. It was in those days when i used to see her, i would buy her favourite food and for the 5 minutes that she enjoys eating it, the happiness seeing her happy just fills my heart. I was happy. The purchase would have been worth it, the trouble i went to get it was all worth it, just to see her smile just those few minutes.
My point here is sometimes we have to do as much as we can with the people we love so that we when “that time” comes, we will not have any regrets.
No. But my body refuses to get back on its feet. I am weak. Tired. Fatigue hits like an unwanted flu.
Its tough to get back to normalcy when the body is weak and tired.
I still miss her terribly which is why this year’s Christmas will be a quiet one. Not much mood to do anything else.
I tried shooting the other day, one day after i laid her to rest and I could barely carry my gear. The tripod weighed a ton. My legs more so. The fatigue was internal.
I still think of her everyday.
I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me, but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss. ~~~~~ Rita Mae Brown
But barely worked.
I think tomorrow should be better. Have to buck up and chase clients for money as bonus time is around the corner.
Pray i can meet targets. Amen!
My spirit rests in You
You’re all I know
Embrace and touch me
Like a child
I’m safe in You
You’re my shelter through it all
You’re my refuge and my strength
Lord I hide in the shadow of Your wings
My Lord, You’re faithful
You supply all good things
You know completely
All my thoughts
My deepest needs
very meaningful lyrics……………. Thanks to carrot for sharing this meaningful song………………..
I don’t know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey.
I don’t worry o’er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I’ll walk beside Him,
For He knows what lies ahead.
Many things about tomorrow
I don’t seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
verse 2Every step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden’s getting lighter,
Every cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye;
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky.
verse 3
I don’t know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I’m covered with His blood.
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I know that she has gone to a better place but i can’t help but miss her presence. There is a void. Not enough words can put together how i feel. Its a mixed bag of emotions.
I just want to sleep but will have to go back to work tomorrow and tomorrow is a long day too.
Perhaps work will ease the pain.
She gasped her last at 7:21pm today. Still with my ipod plugged into her ears. We prayed and watched her breathe her last. I cried. The last song that played when she breathed her last was “Amazing Grace”**. She went peacefully. But I miss her terribly. Its always hard to say goodbye.
“Mama, you are one of four to whom I owe my life to. No words can express that. RIP, see you when my time is up and maybe then I’ll have the chance to really thank you.”
**I didn’t set the songs as they were on shuffle-mode and have been playing all day.
Pippin: I didn’t think it would end this way.
Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path . . . one that we must all take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass…….
Gandalf: …And then you see it.
Pippin: What, Gandalf? See what?
Gandalf: White shores . . . and beyond. A far green country, under a swift sunrise.
Pippin: Well, that isn’t so bad. Gandalf: [Softly:] No… No it isn’t.
~ Lord of the Rings
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